By Saanya Patel, online editor

I am a teenager. I am a girl. I am American. I am Indian. I am Gujarati. I am Hindu. I am scared. I am hiding. I am quiet. But most of all I am confused, because I am not genuinely me.
There are so many things that make me who I am. So many unique pieces come together to complete the puzzle that makes me special. This fact is ingrained in my brain. That makes it easier to remember I do not have a fighting chance.
I can’t accept my uniqueness. I purposely work to make myself fit in–I have trained myself to believe if I stand out, I am doing something wrong. I feel a constant need to blend in, so much so that I start to hate my own name. Saanya.
Hearing my name fills me with shame because it proves that I am not one of the crowd. I see my name like it is a huge neon sign reading ‘I am different’ in all capital letters. I try to make my puzzle pieces match everyone else’s. The bitter truth is no matter how hard I try I cannot match. The simple thought of that haunts me.
I try to hide in the shadows of everyone, afraid to come into the light for fear someone may see me. I wear a hoodie like armour and don’t take it off, as if removing it will expose my puzzle pieces. I keep my head down as if I am ashamed of my very existence. The grim truth is no matter how hard I try, I have no protection. The simple thought of that taunts me.
Why? Why am I creating an impenetrable bubble around myself? Why am I hiding? Why am I afraid of who I am? The answer: rejection.
I think that if I’m not like everyone else they will reject me. I build up a fear inside me that if I let people see my puzzle pieces they will reject me. I believe that if I am proud of who I am people will reject me.
This is what I amounted myself to in my 16 years of life. I let myself become a simple fear. At my core all I had was the fear of rejection. I couldn’t accept my puzzle pieces because I was scared someone might not like them.
No. Not anymore. I spent 16 years of my life as someone else. I was not me. But. Not. Anymore. From now on I will only be me.
I love my uniqueness. I work to fight my instinct to fit in. I try to teach myself if I stand out, I am doing something right. I stop myself from wanting to blend in, so much so that I proudly claim my name. Saanya.
Hearing it fills me with pride because it proves I am not one of the crowd. My name speaks volumes for me and my identity, no flashy neon sign needed. I don’t make my puzzle pieces match everyone else’s. The sweet truth is that I do not have to try to not match because I already am different, the simple thought of that fills me with joy.
I creep out of the shadows, into the light, hoping someone sees me. I take my hoodie off with triumph, stripping my armour and slipping into my skin. I want to expose my puzzle pieces. I hold my head high because I am proud of my existence. The comforting truth is I do not need protection, the simple thought of that soothes me.
Why? Why am I tearing the bubble I put around myself? Why am I no longer hiding? Why am I proud of who I am? The answer: acceptance.
I think that if I try to stand out, the people in my life who truly love me will accept me. I convince myself that if I show my puzzle pieces the people in my life who truly love me will accept me. I believe if I am proud of who I am, the people in my life who truly love me will accept me.
This is what I want to accept myself as now. I want to be me. I want to be a person who embraces who she is. I want to share my puzzle pieces with the people I love, knowing they will accept me. No matter how much I stand out.
I am a teenager. I am a girl. I am American. I am Indian. I am Gujarati. I am Hindu. I am bold. I am outside. I am loud. But most of all I know what I am because I am genuinely me.
There are so many things that make me who I am. So many unique pieces come together to complete the puzzle that makes me special. This fact is ingrained in my brain. That makes it easier to remember I do have a fighting chance.