by Rachel Swartz, assistant editor
“I hope you feel better!” is the common remark that is repeated whenever I tell somebody about my chronic illness. With the expression “chronic”, there’s a chance I may or may not ever feel better in the course of my life. I return them a small and thankful smile and reply with, “I hope so, too.”
People frequently ask me, “What is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?”. Chronic fatigue syndrome is an sickness distinguished by long-term exhaustion, pain and other indicators. It’s additionally deemed to be an ‘invisible illness’. I may look fine on the outside, but meanwhile on the inside I feel absolutely terrible. Fatigue is far more different than just ‘being tired’. With this illness, you lack energy, as it is also the mixed feelings of being physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted.
It felt isolating when I was diagnosed, often detaching myself from those around me. I never reached out toward others. I’ve always been sorted out as an introvert, residing by just a small group of friends to keep me company. After telling them about my diagnosis, they’ve constantly asked how I’m doing and what they can possibly do to help me. My parents have also done everything to support me, especially since they’ve brought up long, truthful conversations, dietary assistance and prayers. They see through past the ‘I’m fine’ replies and assist me through what’s been troubling me.
I remember breaking down in front of my doctor, undoubtedly frustrated and confused with the way I’ve constantly been feeling: sick and tired. I leaned forward to cover my face as the tears continued to flow, choking down on the sobs. I shared my experience in school and how I appreciate my classes, but the exception of how my fatigue keeps pushing its way into everything. She told me the distinct ways to treat my condition, but expressed that it will never completely go away. I looked into her particular ways of treatment: self-care, physical therapy, medication, sufficient sleep, and counselor visits.
Whenever she asked about my sleep cycle, I informed her that I meet the standard 8-9 hours of sleep, but wake up more exhausted than I was the day before. Normally everyone wakes up fresh and ready to take on the challenges that the day may bring. Whenever I wake up in the morning, I just lay there under the covers, staring at the ceiling, debating whether or not I should crawl out of bed.
In school, I consider myself to be an excellent student, keeping up with my assignments and working to meet deadlines. But, I have a hard time concentrating in class due to my chronic fatigue. There are times when I’m too worn out to accomplish homework, and brain fogs are a continuous problem, as well as having a hard time reminiscing crucial information. I feel guilty whenever I don’t finish any homework, and my genuine excuse is my illness. Confronting my teachers about my illness was one of the most nerve-wracking situations I’ve ever been in. I stuttered when I explained my situation, as I become nervous and embarrassed when I have to talk to somebody about a topic so personal. As I finished confessing my condition, they’d give me a smile and share that they’d be willing to help me out. I’m thankful for my teachers since they’re here to perpetually assist me through my complicated condition.
With the constant ways of treatment I’m receiving, I hope and pray that I will conquer the tiring feeling of being too tired.
