by Dana Branham, editor-in-chief

The Roar tried out three lovey-dovey apps to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Our findings? The market for Valentine’s Day apps is wholly unremarkable.

Valentine’s Day Stalker | Rating: 1/5 stars

This game couldn’t actually get any worse. You play a handsome young man in the city being chased by a crazed girl in a totally ridiculous red tube dress–she’s in love with you, and will stop at nothing to have you. No matter how good this scenario might sound, this game is terrible. The controls are nonsensical–tap left to jump, tap right to slide. Why not just swipe where you want to move? To make it worse, huge ads (with misleading X’s) interfere with gameplay by literally covering obstacles you’re supposed to avoid. Really, no matter how depressing your Valentine’s Day gets, don’t make it worse by downloading this app.

Cupid Booth | Rating: 2/5 stars

This is a less offensive than the previous one, but it’s still pretty bad. Essentially, you take a photo or upload one from your camera roll, then pimp it out with delightfully tacky Valentine’s decorations. Choose from fanciful red and pink wigs, cupcakes, teddy bears, roses, even socks–everything you need to make an ordinary picture look puke-worthy. It’d be wholly revolting to see someone use this unironically. That being said, if you want to annoy your sweetheart with horribly decorated Valentine’s themed photos, this app is a must.

iSnuggle Valentine | 2.5/5 app

iSnuggle Valentine–a free version of its 99-cent counterpart–allows users to send “snuggly” valentines with customizable messages and adorable images to their friends. The catch? You have to choose from a list of snuggle-approved messages, including sayings like: “Ur my xtra special SNUGGLY WUGGLY,” “Me want VALENTINE SNUGGLE NIBBLES,” and even “Let’s make a VALENTINE CUDDLE PUDDLE!” The app also makes a half-hearted attempt to cater to the bilingual, including sentiments like “Feliz y SNUGGLY dia de San Valentin!” As awful as all this sounds, it’s got one or two redeeming qualities: you can change the fonts to something less revolting than “Marker Felt,” and, rather than cluttering your camera roll with these little valentines, it simply copies them to your clipboard so you can paste them into messages for friends (or enemies).